


Lot of things in common

by Stilinscrey



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, One-Shot, Stucky - Freeform, stucky one-shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 15:19:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6990820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stilinscrey/pseuds/Stilinscrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is Hydra. Steve became Hydra to protect the one he loves the most: Bucky Barnes.<br/>He sold his soul to the Devil just so Bucky could stay alive for at least one more day to make amends for his mistakes and become an angel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lot of things in common

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if I have a lot of mistakes in this one, but I beta'd it for myself and my english is, well, let's say... it's not good at all. But I hope you liked the idea of the story.

Steve Rogers is Hydra. But he did not become this way because of some self-interested goals. He did not become a nazi, let alone a selfish brainwashed soldier of a secret society. He knew really well what he was getting into. Steve became Hydra to protect the one he loves the most. He became a super-soldier because this way he can protect this person, the one for whom Steve would give up his entire life without giving it a second thought. Steve became Hydra in his teenage years to protect his best friend, because he realized he’s starting to fall for him. James Buchanan Barnes may see Steve as his best friend, but Steve, shy, but kind and noble Steve sees Bucky as ’The One’. He loves Bucky, there’s no denying it. Guys fall in love with people every day, there’s nothing special about it… but Steve Rogers is not just any ordinary guy. He sacrificed his life to a secret and evil organization to make sure the love of his life stays alive. He sold his soul to the Devil just so Bucky could stay alive for at least one more day to make amends for his mistakes and become an angel. That’s all Steve wanted to do with getting into Hydra in his teenage years, but we should let him tell his story. Because who would know your story better if not you?  
After Tony told me I’m not worthy of the shield, a whole world shattered inside me. Not because I thought he was trying to get to me, but because I’m well aware it’s true. A man who secretly worked for the bad guys is not worthy of holding the sign of hope and freedom. I’m too stupid and I did not think of the consequences before, I didn’t think I could rip the Avengers apart… I thought we were more than a team. A family. But I couldn’t really feel that I belong there, even after we heard that Hydra’s been taken care of for good. I was afraid then, I knew it’s a lie. Hydra never dies, it only grows stronger and more resistant. I knew they would eventually make me send reports to them, tell everything we talk about in the tower.   
I knew they have found me when I saw _him_. When I saw the Winter Soldier.   
I couldn’t believe my eyes. I didn’t want to believe that Hydra actually kept Bucky alive, and I wanted to completely ignore that the organization I made a pact with to protect him made Bucky one of their strongest assassins. I wanted to quit, I wanted to kill all of the heads, but I knew if I do that they would take Bucky with them as well. And I wasn’t able to risk the lives of my friends either.   
I sent my reports, I acted like it’s alright that they made his life a living hell. I made it look like I’m okay with the fact they made my Bucky into a murdering machine. I was so angry that I finally got enough strength to defy Hydra, and I took it down; with the help of my friends, of course. I was so naïve I thought after that everything’s going to be alright.  
And then Bucky vanished completely.  
And then Tony created Ultron to make the world a better place and he wanted to destroy the whole world.  
And then _we_ decided to destroy Sokovia.   
And then came the Accords, and Tony and I made everything worse.   
I almost killed him. I can still feel the anger that was flowing through my veins when I almost smashed his face into a million pieces with the shield. I can still hear the voices of the heads of Hydra in my head after the initiation back in the days. But my own thoughts in those moments are the ones I remember the most.   
_“This road has not been easy,”_ I thought while I was hitting Tony’s armor with my shield, and he was just lying there.   
_“And I have plenty of cause to doubt it,”_ I thought when I saw the anger mixed with hopelessness in his eyes.  
 _“But even still, I hold true to what I believe in,”_ I thought when I took a look at Bucky and a new wave of anger flew through my whole body, making my nerves tremble. I joined Hydra to make them save his life and then my friend almost killed him. He ripped his arm off.   
_“And I follow in the footsteps of those that have inspired me.”_ Bucky has inspired me. And then I realized: I can’t kill Tony. I did not kill him because I don’t want to be like them. I joined Hydra to keep Bucky alive and I can’t take my friends’ life in the process.   
_“You see… I dream of something better, too.”_ That’s what I thought when I dropped the shield. I dream of something better every night. I dream of Bucky, the man who made my days brighter. It hurts that I had to drop the shield, but it would hurt more if I had to drop Bucky instead.   
And then I found out Hydra was not destroyed and their new head is Zemo, who was sent out to defeat the avengers from the inside, as some kind of revenge against me for turning against them. I didn’t see it coming in time, so I was almost under Hydra’s control once again. But I just found out now that I wasn’t their agent. I was their slave. A super-slave.   
It seems like Buck and I really have a lot in common.

********

And now I’m sitting in the room where they put Bucky into cryosleep. It’s been more than six months. More than six months of going rogue, keeping low and hoping he will come back to me soon. I wanted to tell him about that I was in Hydra since I was a teenager before he was hibernated, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength, and he seemed so much… in peace. I was not able to ruin that. But I can’t hold it back forever, and I feel like my moment is here.  
“You know why we’re bringing him back” T’challa steps in the room, confidence is radiating all over him. I find his accent quite pleasing, it has a royal ring to it. It makes people respect him. I’m glad he finally understood Bucky’s condition and he decided to help him.   
I only nod as an answer. They found the cure. I should be happy, probably the happiest person who ever lived, but I’m afraid. I’m actually terrified of what he’ll think.  
“What is it?” I ask, referring to the cure.  
“Our best doctors are going to have to electroshock his brain while they administer a chemical via injection in his body. They nicknamed the chemical ‘Undoer’. From what I understood the shockwaves will activate the drug which reacts with the brainwaves and they can erase the code that Hydra planted inside his mind. It’s not safe, but that’s the only cure they found. We are going to have to ask him for his permission. It will be quite painful,” T’challa explains.   
“Hydra didn’t ask for his permission,” I burst out, then I regret it immediately. Who the hell is the one that speaks? The guy who’s been a double agent since the beginning? _You’re pathetic, Steve._ But… we’re talking about Bucky.   
“We’re not Hydra,” he states. And that’s true, there are no wakandan Hydra agents. At least not any that I know of.   
“I know,” is all I say. I sit down on one of the chairs and I bury my face in my palms. Bucky’s going to agree, I know it. And he’s going to be in pain again. The only thing I can hope for right now is that he’s not going to suffer anymore. He’s too good for that, and all of his suffering before was caused by me. I don’t want to cause him any more pain.  
A little while after our conversation ends the doctors arrive and I hear some high-pitched beeping. I’m still getting used to today’s technology, it’s still a whole new world to me, even after four years of living here.   
The walls open up and a glass container emerges from behind them, and for the first time in more than half a year I can finally see his face. It’s calm and peaceful. I would love to wake up and see his face like that every morning.   
I see the ice on the glass slowly turning into water and then I see it dripping from his body. The doctors are going to wake him up soon and time gets slower and slower by every moment passing by. I have been waiting for this moment for months, but now I would like to wait a bit more. I’m not ready for that conversation. Not yet.  
Bucky’s chest is slowly moving up and down, I can see his arm and legs moving a bit, and then he opens his eyes. I can’t help but smile at him as he slowly gets out of the cryo-container with the help of two doctors.   
I can’t help but run towards him and embrace him in a hug. I hold him tight and I don’t ever want to let him go. I can feel his arm on my back as well and I _feel_ he has a smirk on his face.  
“Woah, buddy,” he says. His voice is hoarse and deep – even for Bucky. “I knew you’d be happy to see me, but not _that_ happy,” he continues.   
I can’t help but laugh at his comment. “You’re a jerk,” I say, still holding him in my arms.   
“And you’re still a punk, Steve.”  
I have really mixed feelings about this. I’m really happy that Bucky got some of his humor back, but I feel like I am lying to him. Even though I didn’t say anything significant yet. I have to tell him everything.   
“They found the cure,” I whisper in his ear. That’s all I’m capable of without crying like a baby in front of him and all of these doctors- and T’challa. But mostly in front of him. I don’t want him to see me cry, I know it would confuse him.   
“I figured,” he laughs. “I’d be still in cryo if they didn’t. How much was I… uhm, sleeping?”   
“More than half a year. Seven months, two weeks and four days. Not like I was counting.”  
“Of course you weren’t,” he says. “You don’t even know how to count.”   
I let out a fake laugh and then I let him go. I figured I was holding him for a bit too long, not like he was uncomfortable or anything, but he has to be cured as soon as possible.  
The doctors explain him everything and he listens to their voice really carefully.  
“So you’re going to do exactly what Hydra did… but the opposite?” Bucky asks, then two of the doctors look at each other. The taller woman takes some steps forward.  
“Unlike Hydra, we are going to ask for your permission. And we promise it will not be as painful as their torturing methods were. We were trying to find the most effective method. We are really sorry about the inconvenience this may cause you, Mr. Barnes, but this would be the last time someone does anything like that to you again.”   
Bucky nods. “I survived it several times before. I guess it’s not going to kill me this time either. And I’d do anything to get their program out of my head.”   
“Are you sure?” He turns to me when he hears my voice. He shares a warm smile with me, just like the one before he went into the cryo.   
“Yes,” he says. “That way I can find myself again. And I would like to ask you to help me.”   
My eyes are tearing up, and there’s only one thing I can think of as an answer. “’Til the end of the line, pal.”   
“’Til the end of the line,” he repeats. “You saved my life. You fought your friends. You fought Stark because of me… why?”  
This question came out of the blue, I’m more than surprised. It feels like I have a lump in my throat; I’m trying to swallow it down but I can’t.  
“Because you’re… you’re my…” I can’t say ‘best friend’, and I can’t say anything else either, so I just look at the ground instead. And then I decide to go with something else as an answer “You would do it for me as well.”  
Bucky opens his mouth but the tall doctor tells him they set up the lab and they’re ready for curing him.   
T’challa and I are waiting outside, they didn’t let me in, but I can understand it. I would only be a distraction to Bucky.  
After about an hour of silence I suddenly hear someone screaming and all of the bones in my body starts trembling. I want to put my hands on my ears so I couldn’t hear his screams but at the same time I want to stand up from my seat and run straight into that lab to fight anyone and everyone who dares to hurt him. But I have to sit still. They’re doing to help him, not like _them_.   
After several minutes of screaming silence comes once again. And then he starts screaming again. And then he goes silent again. And it goes on and on for I don’t even know how much, it feels like forever to me and I’m not looking at my watch because I’m all lost in my thoughts.   
And then the door opens. He leaves with the help of a nurse. He’s sweaty and looks tired so I suggest the nurse to let him take a shower and sleep. Bucky thanks me for that, and then they go away. We didn’t talk. I should feel bad about it but to be completely honest, I’m relieved, because I still don’t know how I’m going to tell him everything. ‘Hey, Bucky! I joined Hydra in my teenage years because I fell in love with you, I knew you were going to go to the war and I couldn’t let you die so I made a deal with them. Then I became a super-soldier, then I was the biggest hope of America and I wanted to leave Hydra but they threatened me, they told me they will kill you so I sent them reports. After then you died, I was frozen, I woke up some years later, I found out you’re alive and Hydra did all of this to you and oh well I was so angry with them I destroyed them. At least I thought I did but no and they sent Zemo to destroy the Avengers and he became the head of Hydra and then I went rogue. Do you love me back?’ Yes, I think this would be the best way to let him know this. Go, Steve. Go.  
I take a deep breath and then I go and try to sleep as well. I will have to talk to him about it tomorrow. I can’t escape this.  
The night is long, it takes some time for me to fall asleep, but I can sleep some hours. On the next day the first thing I do is that I head straight to Bucky’s room. The doctors are observing his wellbeing for five weeks before he can do anything alone, but I ask them to give us some privacy.   
I sit down right next to him on his bed, and without saying ‘hi’, the words start bursting out from me. I tell him everything – not that I’m in love with him, but everything else. At the end of my little speech I’m curled up at the end of his bed and I’m crying. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, but I can’t stop it. I’m just sitting here and waiting for him to send me away because that’s what I deserve. I deserve to be sent away, to be punched a several times. Hydra tortured him because of me. They made him a super-slave, just like me. He can’t forgive me for that. I can’t be forgiven.   
“Steve, stop.” His voice is sharp but soft at the same time. I don’t dare to look in his eyes, I don’t want to see the hatred there. “Did you really do all of this because of me?”   
All I do is nodding as an answer, my vocal chords are not working right now.   
“You are not Hydra because you want to be Hydra, Steve.” His voice is soft, I can feel his warmth; he’s getting closer to me. “They did not brainwash you like they did with me… but you didn’t choose this because you believe in their ideals. You chose them because of me. And now you want to make sure they’re gone.”   
“You should hate me now,” I whisper.   
“Why? Because you saved my life? Because you looked after me, even though I don’t agree with your ways? I can’t hate you because of that.” He puts his hand on my back and starts to rub it. I let out a sigh. “You did this because you love me, Steve. And I would do exactly the same for you. You went to hell and back for me, and that’s something I’ll never be able to repay.”   
“You went through hell too, Bucky.”   
“Well…” he laughs. How can he laugh?! How can he laugh in a situation like this? “It seems like we really do have a lot in common.”   
“I’m going to take them down,” I say. “I’m going to make them pay for everything they’ve done to you. I promise.”   
“Don’t tell me that you’re going to infiltrate Hydra… that would be, like, some triple-agent level of stuff.”   
“Yes,” I answer. “That’s exactly what I’m going to do. We have a rescue mission coming up in some days, Dr. Selvig got kidnapped, but we can’t do anything about it until we get permission. But then I will start my own mission, and I will get back the dignity of the man I love.” I take a deep breath. “I didn’t want to say the last part out.”  
“Don’t worry, Steve. I know. And I feel the same, you punk. And I’m going to help you with your plan, _we_ are going to take them down. They hurt you as well, I can’t let my Steve risk his life alone now, can I?” I’ve never been happier sad in my life before. I would be completely happy if things wouldn’t be as they are right now. Bucky knows about my feelings, and he has them too.   
“Then we’re going to take down Hydra for good. Together.”  
“Hail Hydra,” he says with a fake german accent. I can’t help but laugh at how incredibly stupid is the situation we’re about to get ourselves in… again.  
“Hail Hydra,” I reply. 


End file.
